But, the Gaultier launch party had been such a success, and the models who lounged about in towels so perfectly made up, that a trial run seemed like a good way to beat the effects of passing time - well, short of heavy duty lifting, stretching and injecting, anyway.

So, I spread all the samples out on a table, beautiful black bottles embossed with the Jean-Paul Gaultier seal: "Tout Beau", "Blaireau Poudre", "Baume Lèvres", they said.

(A German company had also launched a cosmetic line during the men's shows, but theirs came in a steel box with vials and tubes that looked like something out of chemistry class. The labels read things like "Gezichts Kweepeer" - scary!)

Included in the Gaultier package was a long, felt pen that turned out to contain a colorless finish for finger nails.

Then, there were three different types of lip moisturizer, two clear, and two progressively darker in color. All four were said to be magical, to subtly gloss the lips with highlights.

What looked to be an attractive pen, was in fact a truly seductive product: at one end, a light beige concealer to erase away any sign of fatigue, and at the other end, a soft bluish-black kohl to underline the eyes. Instructions said that this type of makeup is normal in Eastern Cultures, and that it has integrated the West for a bewitching graphic effect.

So, I decided to put all the samples to the test and to see what bewitching events might occur during Paris menswear week.

I did not have long to wait.

Outside the Helmut Lang show, an editor wanted to snap my picture with a 20-something model. That may have been because of my metallic belt, as the gentleman had an acknowledged aluminum fetish, or maybe it was because he thought my new makeover looked photogenic.

Later in the week, paparazzi flashes startled me backstage at Dior Homme. That unusual event was easily noticeable because the dim lighting in the pressroom had people tripping over themselves in search of Hedi Slimane. Perhaps it was because I happened to be standing beside Karl Lagerfeld that I attracted sudden attention, or perhaps it was some magnetism due to the makeup.

In any event, the true test of the Gaultier cosmetic line came at the Dirk Schönberger show, where a lack of air conditioning, a brutal heat wave, and sizzling lighting combined to create thermometric conditions that were in complete meltdown. While other editors were having a rough time of it, one in particular, sticking through his crumpled khaki suit, my makeup held. I had not a streak, a stain, nor even a drop of perspiration.

There is no scientific proof that the Jean-Paul Gaultier makeup works, but now, I feel strangely underdressed in public without it.